Rough Day

I

Today has been a bit of a rough day. The boys seem to have turned a deaf ear to anything I have to say and I have run out of patience. They are certainly pushing all the wrong buttons. I'm already completely stressed because I am hiring some new tutors and don't even have my handbook ready. I am doing a new study skills program and I get super stressed when I am doing a new program. I'm so concerned that I'll not be prepared or the student won't like it or that I will seem scattered. It always ends up going well, usually better than I even expected. I'm really good at knowing what to do while in the process of doing and and make up amazing plans and strategies as I go, but not feeling prepared is very stressful for me, as is the unknown. Then on top of it all, Jim is picking up an extra class and the school just keeps expecting more and more from its teachers with no compensation either financial or in the way of additional support. So he has been extremely stressed, not only with school but his family is having a lot of struggles as well, which really worries him, AND his chest has been hurting him so he thinks he's going to have a heart attack even though it's clearly stress. Then to top it all off, he was supposed to pick up some paperwork for Blake from the doctors and fill out something to take a little off my plate for the summer, and I find out yesterday, on my way to the meeting where I need these things that he didn't do them! It would be one thing if this was a first but it's not. I come to expect it and that's why I'm in charge of everything in our lives except laundry, the trash, and half the cleaning. Luckily he's been much much better at helping with/making dinners. I think what bothered me so much about it was he did an amazing job helping with the house and the kids this summer and even helped with a few business calls. And we had a major discussion about what i needed help with, and he agreed to help, like he was going to register at the new church we're going to, but I did it, just like a few other things I don't even remember. He always gets so upset with me because I'm always second guessing him or questioning him and not just leaving him alone to do what needs done. BUT THIS IS WHY!!!! I completely let him take over these two tasks, I've done EVERYTHiNG else to get the boys ready for school, filling out forms, paying fees, going to meetings. And he was in charge of these two things. So I didn't check in, didn't hassle him about them and come to find out, the day I have the meeting to turn them in, that they haven't been done. So not only do I have to now do them, but make an extra trip back to the doctors and back to the school to do what should have been done. But when I get upset about it, I'm in the wrong because it was a stressful day and he now has an extra class to plan for and this and that, now. Now, not when this was supposed to be done, not when there wasn't extra work to do, not when he was a building over from the doctors office. But since I found out NOW it is unacceptable that I'm upset because there's so much else to do and worry about. I already have a hard time getting over things. And I absolutely realize this is a fault in me, and something that is MY problem, but I can't just be expected to swallow my feelings of hurt, disappointment and stress because that's even worse for me. So here I vent. Not even mentioning that yesterday was Joseph's first day if kindergarten which is emotional anyway! So this morning was rough. The boys weren't being good listeners and I wasn't being good at reacting. Hopefully this afternoon and this evening will be better.